Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.
President Trump has responded dismissively to congressional Democrats’ push to investigate him. He told reporters on Tuesday that the House Judiciary Committee’s broad inquiry into his activities was merely an effort to overshadow his achievements.
“No administration has accomplished — probably you could say this with absolute surety — in the first two years anywhere near what we’ve accomplished,” Trump asserted.
By now, Stephen Colbert is used to hearing Trump speak in superlatives — but he couldn’t countenance that claim.
“Really? I just want to point out, on Day 149 of George Washington’s presidency, they passed the Bill of Rights — and it’s taken you almost two years to violate all of them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert also riffed on a recent Twitter post in which Trump said Democrats had gone “stone cold CRAZY.”
At an event on Monday, a reporter asked Trump whether he would cooperate with Representative Jerry Nadler, the head of the House Judiciary Committee, who is investigating whether the president committed obstruction of justice. Trump shot back: “I cooperate all the time with everybody.”
James Corden cried foul.
“He’s right, unless you count the special counsel, the F.B.I., every single Democrat, half his own cabinet and every country in the United Nations except Russia. Other than that, yes, everybody!” — JAMES CORDEN
‘Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler’
Jimmy Kimmel welcomed the arrival of Mardi Gras with some old-fashioned cynicism.
“It’s also Mardi Gras today. Mardi Gras harkens all the way back to the 17th century, when the king of France sent Catholic missionaries to the Louisiana territory to flash their boobs in exchange for beads.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The official slogan of Mardi Gras is ‘laissez les bons temps rouler,’ which is French for ‘I vomited in an Uber today.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Forbes Edition)
“Forbes today released their annual list of billionaires. Or as Bernie Sanders calls it, ‘the list of people we’ll eat first.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“There are now 12 Democrats running for president. Twelve Democrats — a dozen! Isn’t that crazy? Only 12 people in this country think they can do a better job than Donald Trump.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Hillary Clinton has announced she’s not running for president in 2020. That is tough news for Republicans — they still haven’t realized she’s no longer running in 2016.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Here, watch the Jonas Brothers tell personal secrets and eat disgusting foods. This is what television is for, right?
When Kimmel underestimated the offerings of the Kangol brand, Samuel L. Jackson was there to set him straight on the headwear he popularized.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Rachel Feinstein, a rising star in comedy, will chat with Conan O’Brien on Wednesday.