‘The Wrong Missy’ Review: Bad Romance

‘The Wrong Missy’ Review: Bad Romance

In “The Wrong Missy,” the twerpy bank executive Tim (David Spade) has just met his dream girl — and his nightmare. Trouble is, both women are named Melissa, and though he intended to text Melissa, the former Miss Maryland (Molly Sims), an invite to his company retreat in Hawaii (along with a selfie of his unmentionables), he’s accidentally made Melissa the motormouth (Lauren Lapkus) his plus-one, a feral lonely heart who forces a dog tranquilizer and a nonconsensual sex act on Tim before their plane has landed in paradise.

If that “joke” feels like a relic, just wait until the New Kids on the Block dance number. Directed by Tyler Spindel, “The Wrong Missy” (streaming on Netflix) comes from Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison productions, which guarantees four auteurist signatures: the smirking slapstick of early ’90s “Saturday Night Live,” a bizarrely accented Rob Schneider (here, as a shark trawler named Komante), a vacation resort setting where the producers can chillax with their cast member buddies between takes, and an unshakable belief that every schlub deserves a babe with a banging bikini bod. Despite having the personality of a cabbage, Tim is pursued by three. In a nod to the ludicrous setup, the maniacal Melissa (who goes by Missy) chirps, “The age thing doesn’t concern me. What are you, 65?”

Between broken bones — yes, plural — and bonks to the head, Spade’s corporate dork spends most of the mercifully short running time willing himself to be invisible. The leading male vacuum allows Lapkus’s Missy to dominate every scene with hostile come-ons, projectile vomiting and demonic laughter. Yet, though the gags are retrograde groaners, Lapkus embarrasses herself with confidence. Her full-throttle verve transcends the script like a water skier leaping over a Great White. One might even swoon when, in a romantic bubble bath, she places rose petals over her eyelids and dubs herself Hellstar. Who has time for shame when there’s a Vanilla Ice cameo to squeeze in before the closing credits?

The Wrong Missy

Not rated. Running time: 1 hour 29 minutes. Watch on Netflix.

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