Late-Night Hosts Await Trump’s Financial Records

Late-Night Hosts Await Trump’s Financial Records


“The judge rejected the White House claim that Congress does not have legitimate oversight, pointing to precedents involving James Buchanan, Warren G. Harding, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton. Or, as history will remember them, bizarro Mount Rushmore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

In what late-night hosts saw as a delightful irony, Trump’s appeal of the decision (“That right there is the first time a sentence has included both the phrases ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘appealing,’” James Corden joked) could be heard by Judge Merrick Garland, whose Supreme Court nomination by President Barack Obama was blockaded by Senate Republicans.

[Imitating Trump] You can’t trust an Obama-appointed judge. Take it from me, a Putin-appointed president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“It’s like if Donald and Melania renewed their vows, and the minister was Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Now for the first time since 2016, he can wake up and say, ‘It’s a good day to be Merrick Garland.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Ben Carson, the secretary of housing and urban development, appeared before Congress on Tuesday, where he was asked a question about REOs, an acronym for real-estate-owned properties. Carson, however, did not understand the meaning, asking the questioner, Representative Katie Porter of California, if she had meant “Oreos.”

“She lost him as soon as he started thinking about cookies.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I know a lot of people say this hearing proves Ben Carson doesn’t know anything about his job, but in his defense, no creature is at its best after hibernation.” — TREVOR NOAH

[Imitating Carson] Is it a mint Milano? A Do-si-do? A pecan sandie? A snickerdoodle? Help me out. I’m not a rocket scientist — I’m only a brain surgeon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Elsewhere on Capitol Hill, Don McGahn, the former White House counsel, ignored a subpoena to testify before the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday. Representative Jerry Nadler of New York, the Democratic chairman of the committee, expressed his irritation by speaking to an empty chair as if it were McGahn, saying, among other things, that “our subpoenas are not optional.”

“Stern words, if he didn’t direct them to an empty chair. [Imitating Nadler] ‘O.K., I’m done with McGahn’s chair. Now I’ve got some serious questions for Donald Trump’s La-Z-Boy, by which I mean his son.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Now, Don McGahn needs to be very careful here. Attorney General William Barr skipped his hearing and look what happened to him: nothing.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Trump was so impressed he made the chair secretary of commerce. [Imitating Trump] ‘You did great up there. You didn’t give them anything. I like that. Keep up the good work, chair.’” — SETH MEYERS

The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Arthur’ Edition)

“Alabama Public Television refused to air an episode of the PBS show ‘Arthur’ because in the episode, there’s a same-sex wedding involving Arthur’s teacher Mr. Ratburn and his fiancé, Patrick. No word on whether they banned it because the couple is gay or because one is a rat and the other is an aardvark.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“This episode of ‘Arthur’ was titled, ‘Mr. Ratburn and the Special Someone,’ but Alabama Public Television changed it to ‘Mr. Ratburn and His Roommate, Patrick, Who Isn’t Allowed to Come to Thanksgiving Until After Grandma Dies.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“They do have one point: Kids who watch ‘Arthur’ are too young to learn about weddings. ‘Well, kids, when two people love each other very much, they make all of their friends fly to Nantucket, but then get on a bus to go to some lilac field to take some pictures. Then they make each other wear full suits and gowns in the middle of summer and get drunk in a barn full of Mason jar lights.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Trevor Noah delved into the contentious issue of whether Democratic candidates should appear on Fox News.



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