Judge John Hodgman on Phish Shows

Judge John Hodgman on Phish Shows

Rachel writes: My fiancé, Steve, wants me to go to a Phish show — he has been to more than 60 — but every time he turns on Phish, it puts me to sleep. I don’t want to pay for an expensive nap. Please order that he stops asking me to go to his hippie festivals.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this dispute, so before you get married, you should know the law: In heterosexual marriages, every wife owes her husband one Phish show. Now, some husbands may never collect on this deal. But you are — and I’m sorry to write this for many reasons — on the hook. Phish is a whole world to its fans, and Steve deserves the chance to show what makes it special to him. If after this you decide Phish isn’t for you, the matter is closed. (Unless Steve buys an unused Compulsory Phish Show off some other husband. I like Phish fine, but you can have mine, Steve. Find me on Venmo. $5,000.)

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